Stress's Relationship to Self-Care

How does stress affect you and your life? How does it affect you mentally and physically in ways that you might have never thought possible? How does it sneak up on you before you even realize it and affect your thought processes and decision-making in ways that often lead to more stress and unhappiness?

After the birth of my fourth daughter, I found myself stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. Managing a newborn and a toddler at home all day, along with two preteen daughters who were busy with school and extracurricular activities, was incredibly challenging. I spent my nights awake with the newborn, looked after my kids and the house during the day, and then drove the older two to their activities after school, followed by dinner and homework. My husband was focused on advancing his career and was busy at work; we had no family nearby, and several sitters had canceled on us. I lacked the resources to carve out time for myself and even convinced myself that I neither needed nor deserved it. Clearly, I wasn't thinking straight! The more exhausted I became, the more I tried to ignore it, pushing myself harder, striving for perfection, by planning better meals, organizing holidays, maintaining a cleaner kitchen, and raising smarter kids. I had to prove to others and myself that I could do it all, and I didn't need help. Mentally, I was shut off; I didn't experience real sadness or joy. Life became a mere matter of going through the motions rather than truly living. And the thought of any self-care practice seemed unattainable and exhausting. I was resentful of my circumstances, and that resentment was fueled by stress. Just the thought of self-care seemed selfish and unattainable.

Understanding the Link Between Stress and Self-Care

 Stress is often a result of the demands placed on us, as highlighted by David H. Rosmarin in his book, *Thriving with Anxiety: 9 Tools to Make Your Anxiety Work for You*. According to Rosmarin, the formula for understanding stress can be summarized as follows:

Stress Level = Demands - Resources

Demands

Demands can come from various aspects of life, such as:

• Children

• Work

• Spouse

• Elderly parents

  
  

Resources

Resources that can help mitigate stress include:

• Family

• Friends

• Church or community support

• Available services and programs

The Importance of Self-Care

To effectively manage stress, it is essential to enhance the resources available to us. This is where self-care comes into play. Engaging in self-care activities can help replenish our resources, making it easier to handle the demands of daily life. Here are some self-care strategies that can be beneficial:

• Nourishing our bodies with healthy foods

• Regular exercise

• Mindfulness and meditation

• Quality time with loved ones

• Pursuing hobbies and interests

• Seeking professional help when needed

When my youngest eventually showed interest in Sofia the First, I allowed her and her sister to watch an episode while I exercised on the elliptical close by. Ideally, I would be playing with them during that time. However, I had to abandon that idea and prioritize some time for myself. At that moment, the TV was the only resource I thought I had, and I utilized it to focus on self-care for 30 minutes.

The haze started to clear, and I started to imagine an improved version of my life. The stress finally lifted a little, and I was able to get creative, find new resources, and discover new ways to get my needs met, all while providing myself nourishing self-care. Ultimately, I was less stressed, more creative, and much happier!

Understanding the balance between demands and resources is crucial in managing stress. By prioritizing self-care, individuals can enhance their resources, leading to a more resilient and fulfilling life.

Take a quiet moment, breathe deep, and sit with your emotions. What demands do you have placed on you right now? Do you have the time, money, and support you need to deal with these demands? Where is your support lacking, and where can you tap into more support? Can you be vulnerable and ask a loved one for help? Can you let go of an ideal that is holding you back? Or is there someone in the community that you can turn to? Be vulnerable, get honest with yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Your wellness depends on it!

1. Thriving with Anxiety: 9 Tools to Make your Anxiety Work for You by David H. Rosmarin, Ph.D. Copyright @2023 by David H. Rosmarin. Ph.D.