Digging Deep

“Wellness encompasses, a healthy body, sound mind, and tranquil spirit. Enjoy the journey as you strive for wellness.”

-Laurette Gagnon Bealieu

Before I went on my own wellness journey, I would have told you that health is being an ideal weight, eating healthful foods, and exercising. I also thought that wellness was the absence of disease, both mental and physical. I was not wrong, but it is not that simple; it is so much more than my basic definitions. Even though I was a healthy person physically, something was missing in my life that left me with a feeling of lack that I never could quite put my finger on, especially since I always thought I had everything that “should” make me happy and healthy in my life. I was not well, even though I appeared to be healthy.

For me, all my focus became laser-focused on providing healthy meals for my family, keeping a clean house, helping my kids with their schoolwork, and driving them to their practices. Many times throughout the day, my mind would cry out, “What about me?” “When is it my turn?” “Please, someone take care of me,” and “Please, someone help.” “I cannot do it all. I do not want to do it all.”

My mind and soul were crying out for more, but how could I possibly do more when I was already so tired and overwhelmed by the life that I had created, loved, and so very much cherished? Again and again, I answered my own voice with, "If they are healthy and happy and doing well in school, I will be happy, and my feelings of overwhelm and sadness will be worth it." I continued to put everyone else first under this faulty assumption and was waiting for someone else to take care of me.

My own wants, needs, and desires were put so far on the back burner that I could no longer see or feel them anymore, even though my mind, body, and soul were crying out for me to reconnect with them.

During this time, something amazing happened: three of my kids were in school full-time, and the youngest was finally potty trained! I was slowly able to breathe again and have a few moments to myself.

The brain fog started to lift, and I began to feel more like myself. At the same time, it also became painfully obvious that the years of self-neglect I inflicted on myself not only hurt me but also my marriage, friendships, and kids.

I learned through difficult experience that the saying, “If momma ain’t happy, then ain’t nobody happy,” is unfortunately very true. I had delayed taking care of myself for too long, leading to a crisis for both me and my family, and everything in my life seemed to be falling apart.

Initially, I sought external sources to blame for my problems and looked outside myself for solutions. However, with the help of other coaches, it became clear that my problems were indeed my own and that I possessed everything within me necessary to resolve them.

I was an expert in my own life. I was the one in control of me, and I just needed to listen to my own internal dialogue to heal and feel better.

It seems simple, but it’s not necessarily easy. It requires digging deep, lots of introspection, and the willingness to make changes.

I’m guessing that since you are here reading this, you are dedicated to learning, growing, and optimistic about a better future. You are determined to live your best life possible.

My journey began with a few quiet moments and working out on my elliptical, which led to long walks in nature, yoga, Zumba, and meditation. Through these practices, I learned to listen to my inner voice and to trust myself again, and from this, I began to formulate a blueprint of the person I was striving to be. This became the orientation that my wellness journey needed.

I urge you not to wait until everything is perfect in your life before you start taking care of yourself. I also don’t want you to wait until you are in crisis to make a change. I want you to honor yourself and start making the changes that lead to wellness now.

The saying,” If not now, when?” is especially true in this moment.